My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize