How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
