Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
