Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
