its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
