So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
