I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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