using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
