I think I won the penis lottery.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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