Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
