i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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