meet me or not, i'm out of control
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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