I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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