it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
