I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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