so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
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We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
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I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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