Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize