so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize