I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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