the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
