I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
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The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
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Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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