i permit you to call me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
