I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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