You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Randomize
