I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
