To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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