3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
