He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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