Can Purell be used as lube?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
