She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
