I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
