i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
