I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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