That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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