you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
