she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
