You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
