So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
