i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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