You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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