Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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