his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
