i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
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she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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