i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
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