What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
