They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
