Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
