I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
