Rock
Scissors
Fuck
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
