I'm so fucking centered right now
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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