Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
