wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
