I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
