good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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