i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
