i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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