There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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