she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
