i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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