I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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