Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Randomize
