2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
