Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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