Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
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he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.