If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
