At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
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Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
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I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.