It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?