So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
