You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?