It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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