So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Where is the hickey?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
