she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
