you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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