"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
