God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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