I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
