i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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