We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
