her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sext me about skeletons
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
