she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
