You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
