I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
