GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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