tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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