well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
