if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
