somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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