You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
