remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
