im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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